


Speechless

by coffeeshopangel



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Modern AU, arthur does the dishes?, oh and, that seems like something i need to warn you about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-09
Updated: 2013-04-09
Packaged: 2017-12-08 00:50:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/755055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeshopangel/pseuds/coffeeshopangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Arthur watches Merlin sleep and overcomes his insecurities...</p><p>"Until the one day when Arthur told himself enough was enough. Spotting a Post-It note stuck to the fridge in Merlin’s haste to get to work, Arthur sidled up to the appliance and read the neat scrawl.</p><p>                Have a wonderful day at work, hon. Love ya :) - Merlin"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Speechless

Merlin lay in bed, hair a dark and tangled mess from beneath shockingly white sheets. The contrast was vivid, like a black hole in the middle of ten hills of pure, unspoiled snow. His toes peeked out from the opposite end of the bed, where the sheet had ridden up, somewhere in the middle of the night.

Arthur watched, mesmerized by the picturesque beauty, addicted to the steady fluttering of the sheet with each rise and fall of his lover’s chest. Merlin was more addicting than heroin, Arthur remarked, but more pleasurable than ecstasy and alcohol together.

Merlin turned onto his other side, eliciting the sheets further slide down Merlin’s tiny body. The change revealed baby pink eyelids, fringed by a forest of thick, dark, eyelashes. Underneath those eyelids, Arthur knew there to be electric blue eyes that could change from the darkest of blacks when his pupils are blown wide in pure pleasure to the lightest china blue Arthur had ever seen. Arthur reveled in the sight of Merlin’s prominent cheekbones, razor edge sharp against the softer contour of his face. He fought back the urge to ghost his thumb across the alabaster skin, knowing it would feel softer than the inside of a rose’s petal. Merlin’s lips were parted ever-so slightly and with every exhale, the satiny fabric surrounding him fluttered faintly.

The breath caught in Arthur’s chest as he watched his lover sleep, the desperate need to kiss away all signs of fatigue lay heavy in his mind. He didn’t think he’d ever get over the irresistible beauty of his boyfriend no matter how many times he laid his eyes upon him. Sometimes Arthur felt as if he were invading Merlin’s privacy, watching him while he slept, yet he could never find it within himself to avert their eyes. The peace and innocence on a slumbering Merlin’s face was captivating to say the least. Often, Arthur wondered how in the hell he had gotten so bloody lucky.

Many times, under the cover of the night, Arthur held Merlin to his himself and whispered all the words he had ever been afraid to say. He might lovingly push a fringe of dark hair from Merlin’s closed eyes and whisper how beautiful he thought Merlin to be. Or he may cradle Merlin to his chest as he confessed his undying love in a voice that could be classified no louder than a mumble.

As silent as a cat in the middle of the night, Arthur walked over to the bed from his perch at the door and dropped to his knees in a fluid motion. He could feel Merlin’s breath steal across the planes of his jawline and he nearly faltered. Slowly, and gentler than a warm breeze on a summer’s day Arthur planted a kiss on Merlin’s forehead, willing all the unspoken emotions into the brunettes matted hair.

 _Tonight,_ Arthur told himself as he levered back onto his feet, _tonight I’ll tell him I love him._ Though like every other night, when the time for bed came to be and Arthur followed Merlin’s lean, whipcord body through their bedroom door, the words had not escaped his lips, for every thought he had of telling him, also sang a song of insecurity.

_What if he doesn’t love me back? What if he leaves me? What if? What if? What if…_

Until the one day when Arthur told himself enough was enough. Spotting a Post-It note stuck to the fridge in Merlin’s haste to get to work, Arthur sidled up to the appliance and read the neat scrawl.

_Have a wonderful day at work, hon. Love ya :)_ _\- Merlin_

The drive to work was otherwise spent in a dream haze of jumbled thoughts and contradictions galore inside the head of Arthur Pendragon, who had caused more than a few car horns blaring that morning. Gwen greeted him on his floor with a grin and a coffee, exchanging the hot beverage for Arthur’s jacket with a chuckle.

 “You look distracted.” She stated and Arthur let his blue eyes run her over. Her hair was styled in its normal brown curls that bounced around her face with every motion. Big brown eyes were framed with the barest amount of eyeliner and freckles tracked paths across her cheeks and nose.

“Nah, just thinking.” Arthur replied, tilting his head in her direction before proceeding into his office and closing the door lightly. He laid his suitcase to the side of his desk and logged onto his desktop with the flick of a mouse. There was an email from his father about an upcoming deal that Arthur figured could wait.

He cleared his desk of all but a pen and a piece of paper, and lounged back in his desk, thinking. He turned nostalgic about the first moment he ever saw Merlin; sitting in a dark corner in the most crowded coffee shop in town, nose in a book and totally oblivious to his surroundings. Arthur remembered thinking about how he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen when Merlin looked up to catch Arthur staring. He had smiled shyly, the corners of his eyes crinkling up in a way that had Arthur immediately wanting more, and setting his book down in an open invitation. Arthur recollected the first time he had kissed Merlin, a chaste press of hesitant lips that gained confidence with every second that passed. He remembered the way Merlin had looked the first time he pushed into him, his body open and willing to whatever Arthur had wanted, hair clinging to his forehead with sweat, eyes rolled back in his head from pleasure and the increasingly tight grip on Arthur’s shoulder from Merlin’s long fingers. That was the first time Arthur realised he was in love with Merlin Emrys.

Diffidently, Arthur started writing, explaining, and expressing all emotions into the words that flowed from the tip of his pen. Even after his hand was cramped and felt as if it would fall from his wrist, Arthur kept writing until he ended the letter with a flourish of his hand. He folded the paper in half, pressing an even line into the paper before slipping it into an envelope and hiding it into a desk drawer.

That day, time seemed to move backwards for Arthur. He replied to emails and examined reports, pinched the bridge of his nose and smiled at Gwen when she brought in a new mug of coffee. He sat through a lecture from his father and thought about the upcoming staff meeting where he’d have to deal with the assistants on the first floor who didn’t know he was gay.

By the time it was 5:00 pm Arthur was about to jump out of his skin in the rapid race to return to his apartment. He checked and double checked that he had his letter, waved at Gwen when they parted ways in the parking lot and barely restrained himself from running to his car. The drive home seemed impossibly long, and he made it home before 6.

Arthur stopped outside his flat and took a few deep breathes, swallowing the insecurities that he felt were about to asphyxiate him and got out, dragging his briefcase with him. Even before he opened the door, Arthur could hear the telly blaring out the unmistakable voices of Matt Smith and Karen Gillan as Merlin most likely puttered about in the kitchen.

The door was unyielding to his demands of opening and he caught it right before it slammed the plaster on the other side.

 “Helllllllo.” Merlin’s voice drifted his way and Arthur smiled to himself.

“Hey!” Arthur called back, toeing off his shoes and padding down the hallway, letting his nose lead the way more than his memory.

“What are you cooking?” Arthur asked, reaching around Merlin’s waist and nuzzling his nose into Merlin’s hair.

“Kraft Dinner.” Merlin replied, proudly, grinning ear to ear and Arthur kept from snorting. “I just finished too, you hungry?”

“Do you nothing of me, Merlin Emrys? I’m always hungry.”

Merlin laughed as he spooned the noodles into two bowls, chatting amiably about his day. Arthur listened with one ear about how one of Merlin’s students – little Rory Darvill took it upon himself to help every single one of the girl’s in the class with something or other. Arthur told Merlin about his day throughout dinner and Merlin listened attentively, eyes always flickering between his dinner and Arthur’s face. When they finished, Arthur excused himself to go to the bathroom and snuck into their bedroom, strategically placing the letter where he knew Merlin would see it.

“Alright, I’m doing the dishes tonight, scoot.” Arthur shifted Merlin’s body away from the sink and Merlin kissed him on the cheek in retaliation.

“Okey dokey, I’m going to take a shower.” Merlin said, turning his body to face the hallway, “Feel free to join me at any time.”

Arthur shivered at the suggestion but stuck his hands in the warm water as a grounder. “No one says okey dokey anymore, _Mer_ lin.”

Merlin’s laugh drifted from the bathroom before the door slammed mockingly and Arthur concentrated all his energy on the simple task of cleansing the dishes from all dirt, grime and assorted types of food that Arthur thought, should certainly not be clinging to the ceramic plates so hard.

Vaguely he heard the stream of water shut off and the door to the bathroom open and shut. There were light footsteps ambling down the hardwood floors of the hallway before another door closed gently and Arthur figured it was now or never. He dried his hands on a dishtowel, fighting back the overwhelming feeling of fright as he made his way down the very hallway Merlin had minutes before. His eyes were drawn by droplets of water, scattered over the pale wood in a sporadic pattern.

Arthur reached the bedroom door and contemplated knocking but decided against it, this was his flat and it wasn’t as if he’d never seen Merlin naked before. The creak of the door seemed magnified in the absolute silence and Arthur poked his head in, eyes scanning the very room he fell in love with Merlin.

Merlin was perched on Arthur’s side of their bed, back turned away from the door and he didn’t move when Arthur slipped into the room and closed the door behind him gently, only satisfied when he heard the latch click shut.

Merlin looked up when he felt the bed dip beside him and Arthur noted the tears glistening in Merlin’s china blue eyes.

“Oh, Arthur.” Merlin whispered, before returning his gaze to the letter.

“Dear Merlin,” The man’s voice read off in a hushed whisper, “I’m sorry I’ve never told you this before but I love you – I have since the first day I met you, but never realised it until I saw you in your purest form. I guess I shouldn’t say I’ve never told you before, I have as you slept, curled into my warmth with a tiny smile on your beautiful face. I guess I always feared you’d hate me or worse – not love me back because you were the best thing that has ever happened in my life. You made me forget about my past and my insecurities and instead opened my eyes to the present and how honestly _beautiful_ life truly is. I love you, I love you, I love you and I’m sorry for never telling you this before. Yours forever, Arthur.”

Merlin finished reading and a silence fell, heavier than a house and more prominent than a screaming baby. It reached into Arthur and yanked at his imperfections, breaking through the very wall he built against them and allowing them to flood his body.

_He doesn’t love me back and I’ve just made a complete fool of myself. I should have told him myself or brought him to a restaurant. I should have flowered him with gifts and love and kisses. I should have –_

The flow of Arthur’s thoughts were crushed like a penny by a train when Merlin let the paper flutter to the floor as he flung himself at Arthur, a new gleam shining in his obscene eyes.

“You,” Merlin kissed him on the nose, “absolute,” the forehead, “idiot.” Another kiss on the nose. “I’ve loved you since the first moment I noticed you staring at me I was just scared you didn’t feel the same.”

Arthur stared directly into Merlin’s open eyes, and he watched emotions flicker over the surface, doubt being replaced by fright and when Arthur smiled, he saw all Merlin’s vacillation and insecurity disappear, having irrevocable love overthrow them both.

Arthur kissed Merlin’s mouth, holding nothing back as he broke through Merlin’s lips to tangle with tongue and clash teeth. He flipped them over so that Merlin was on his back and Arthur straddling his hips. He kissed Merlin again and again until he was light-headed and dizzy; all the while his mind screamed that Merlin loved him back.

Merlin’s hands pulled at Arthur’s tie, fingers fumbling with suit buttons before getting fed up and ripping the shirt in half. Arthur broke the connection of their lips so he could shrug out of tattered shirt and slide out of his pants and boxers. He stood, staring down at Merlin, eyes memorizing every plane and dip on Merlin’s body from his chaotic dark hair to his bruise swollen lips to the long, whipcord muscles on Merlin’s torso. He traced the line of his boyfriend’s hips with his eyes and followed the smattering of dark hair that lead underneath Merlin’s sweatpants where he could see Merlin’s erection bulging in the constraint.

Arthur tugged lightly on the bottoms of Merlin’s pants, and Merlin lifted his lips for Arthur to pull them off the rest of the way. Then, Arthur started with Merlin’s feet, sucking lightly on each toe and kissing the way up his calves until Merlin was moaning in need. He spent more time on Merlin’s thighs, pulling the delicate skin into his mouth and toying with his teeth before kissing the bites better. When Arthur was satisfied, he slid his hands up Merlin’s sides, letting his mouth trace along Merlin’s hipbones as his hands spread Merlin’s legs apart where he settled in happily. Arthur nosed the hairs on Merlin’s lower torso, licking into his belly button and trailing kisses up the middle of Merlin’s chest. He flicked at Merlin’s nipples until the sounds falling from Merlin’s bright red lips were incoherent, babbling messes before sucking each one into his mouth separately. He continued his path of open mouthed kisses to Merlin’s neck and then latched on, sucking deep, purple bruises into the crevice where his neck meets his shoulders. Arthur nipped at Merlin’s earlobes and nuzzled the dip of his cheekbones as he recaptured Merlin’s mouth with his own, cutting off all the needy moans falling from them and swallowing them into his body.

“Please, Arthur…” The sound was broken and breathy, as Merlin’s eyes pleaded on behalf of his entire body. Arthur nodded and Merlin crawled onto his hands and knees, pulling away from Arthur.

“Where are you-” Arthur asked but Merlin just motioned for him to lie on his back.

Merlin reached into a drawer in their bedside table and pulled out a packet of lube, and a condom, ripping the packet open using his teeth and grinning at Arthur with a cruel gleam in his eyes. He set the lube on the bed next to Arthur and situated himself between Arthur’s legs, condom clamped between his teeth before he snared Arthur’s eyes with his own and rolling the condom down Arthur’s erection, using only his mouth. He held Arthur’s hips down as he increased the suction on Arthur’s penis before pulling off completely with a pop and reaching for the lube.

He coated his fingers in the lubricant as he reached his arm around his body and slowly started opening himself up. Arthur watched in silence as Merlin let his head fall back, exposing the long, lean, muscles of his neck and the deep discolorations caused by Arthur’s very own mouth. He withheld a whimper when Merlin took his fingers out of his arse and gripped Arthur’s erections, smearing lube onto the condom. Merlin’s eyes bore into Arthur’s as he straddled Arthur’s hips and snapped his hips down.

The tight, wet, heat and sudden clench around Arthur’s dick made him cry out in pleasure. Merlin twisted his hips on top of Arthur as he moved down, quickly and Arthur moaned, gripping Merlin’s hips in a death vice grip, giving into his insane _need_ for friction and thrusting into Merlin’s arse without abandon. A shattered moan fell from Merlin’s lips as Arthur took over the speed and depth of his thrusts, pulling almost all the way out before ramming back in, over and over again until Merlin’s was jerking on his own erection erratically and the only thing coming from Arthur’s mouth was a repeat of Merlin’s name.

He felt warm ropes of come stain his stomach and heard a shout ripped from Merlin’s lungs before Arthur saw white and his orgasm peaked and Arthur tumbled over the side.

Together, Merlin and Arthur gasped for breath and when their heat rates were back to all but normal, Arthur pulled out of Merlin with an apologetic kiss on the forehead. He disposed of the used condom into the bin closest to his side of the bed and moved to get up before feeling a hand snake up his bicep.

“Where you going?” Merlin slurred and when Arthur turned to look at his lover, he saw Merlin’s eyelids drooped halfway down a whole new shade of blue.

“To get cleaned up, I’ll be right back, love.” And Merlin nodded in acceptance dropping his arm back to the bed and letting his eyes slide shut the whole way.

Arthur slipped out of the room and noticed, for the first time since him and Merlin started their love making; that darkness had snuck into the flat. Using only his memory to guide him, Arthur found his way to the bathroom, blinking in the sudden light. He washed up quickly, wiping the come from his stomach and scrubbing his face roughly before returning to the bedroom and a waiting Merlin.

Watching Merlin sleep, Arthur asked himself how in the hell he had gotten so lucky, and this time, when he told Merlin he loved him, he knew Merlin knew that already. 

**Author's Note:**

> If ya'll didn't know, Matt Smith plays the Eleventh Doctor on Doctor Who and Karen Gillan his spiffingly beautiful companion - Amy Pond (until the Angels Take Manhattan but we're not talking about that right now).


End file.
